i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
