Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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