I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
