dude i'm inner monologue high
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You are a genius and a whore.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
