8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
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