Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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