i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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