That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
My balls are so social today.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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