At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
