I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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