you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
