Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
