So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
