What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
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he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
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I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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