"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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