i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
