there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
