i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
