I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Randomize
