Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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