Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
