You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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