He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
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proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
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I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
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