I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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