this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
