I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
