I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
