so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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