Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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