yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
