I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
