Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
