hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
