She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
