My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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