Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I wear drunk well.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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