y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Randomize
