Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
