Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
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She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
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i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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