My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
