what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
