i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
