i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
me + whiskey = a bad person
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
