I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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