Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
