Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
