THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
