i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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