Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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