I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
