his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
