I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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