Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize