I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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