i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
then he tried to convert me to islam
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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