he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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