how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
