can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
His hands were made for my vagina.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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