my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
