was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
