I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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