Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
