yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
