Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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