He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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