On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
