i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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