either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
