Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Randomize
