you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
