she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
