as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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