I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
