Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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