i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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