you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
