just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
