Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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