when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
